Blown Away

Mischievous with half-closed eyes and impish grin
outstretched hand
welcoming me for a joyride...
for a spin
I know your name but with hassles and worries have forgotten
How it is that this love was first begotten

I am touched by that ever-changing entity
the elusive time-altering dream
The freeing form and the tumultous storm
Swirling, twisting, flowing
Flooding the chambers of my heart
Analyzed, understood
Surpassing the thinking mind
Shaping my lips, my thighs
Emerging thru my hands
Connecting on your skin
Magnetic and pulsating
Coiling and uncoiling in our heated dance

I touch you and am touched as by no other
Resplendent and bathed in warm tones of sunshine
Cleansed and awash in divine rain
I am shaken and moved from my comfortable
knowable
Rooted spot
Where birds land and sing their tales
Where ants may build slowly but surely
And life continues day by day...

In this moment
I am simply

Blown away




copyright 2010 Vanessa Codorniu

Bellydance in her Soul: Remembering Tia Blanca

Para mi primo George, no importa la distancia...solo el amor

My father's sister, my Tia Blanca passed away last week at the youthful age of 79. She is the lovely dark-haired lady in the picture above with her son, my cousin Larry by her side. My mom and I are to the left of them. Thankful I had seen her in Argentina last October, I lit a candle for her as I prayed and thanked the Universe for our last meeting. It was a true and priceless blessing.

Her twinkly eyes, alive and bright shone passionately as she confessed to me her livelong desire to bellydance. The music had always called her but in her teens and 20s that wasn't a dance for young, Catholic Argentine women to dance nor was it appropriate for a wife, mother or grandmother as she travelled through life. She told me of stolen moments away from her dad's disapproving eyes and the freedom she felt as she danced around in her living room to sounds of faraway places that felt like home to her spirit.

I told her how my day's cares and worries ceased as I stepped onto the wood dance floor. How I am instantaneously transported to a perfect NOW when I dance. There is no yesterday or tomorrow there is only the music flowing through me, emotion in motion and a freedom that is pure joy.

I hugged her and told her of performances, my dance teacher Jannelle in NYC,the Shimmy Sisters, veils, costumes, wings, the pyramids of Egypt and the amazing classes I attended in Cairo taught by male middle eastern dancers! I promised that when I came back to Argentina, we would go watch a live middle eastern dance & music show, she said," Watch? Oh, no! You and I will dance! A si, Vanessita, vamos a bailar!"

We giggled like school girls and members of a secret society as I shared some of my ipod albums while the rest of the family sat at lunch. I explained the reason that I had decided to live life as fully as possible was because I realized how lucky I was to be born in a time where I have different choices. I've always felt a responsibility to my female ancestors to dance because perhaps they couldn't, to pray in my own way because perhaps they could only do so on bended knee, to express and sing and love on my own terms...perhaps because they could only do so according to their cultural norms.

Tia Blanca was born in Argentina and came to the US as a wife and mother, only to return and make Argentina her permanent home. I was born in Latin America and came to the US in diapers. I had not seen her in a half a lifetime and yet, we were not so different! Wondering why we felt this love for middle eastern music and dance, moved to tears and challenged to express it however we could, we shared our passion and awe that afternoon.

I imagine now, that she is bellydancing in the heavens and that she is eternally youthful and vibrant. I imagine her with her husband Luis who passed away last year and their very real and loving connection. I imagine too when I pass and that those after me will celebrate my life.

For now I welcome each day as a sacred promise to love as much as I can, create as much as I am able and get back to dance class ASAP! When I pass away those left behind can celebrate my life, in the meantime its my birthday month, "Let's Dance! Yallah! Yallah!"

Stranger Still

The first time I saw you
You were a stranger but I felt like I had always known you
Stranger still, the last time I saw you
You were my love but I felt like I had never known you
You are a stranger at last








copyright 2000 Vanessa Codorniu

Present in this moment

I allow myself to be present in this moment
I do not clutch this gem, this treasure close to me
For as much as I would try by grasping mind, body and spirit
It is a futile act, one that promises sorrow
Knowing it is like trying to hold running waters in my hand
I release, I accept and in doing so I live each moment.

I allow the waters to quench my thirst
slip from my lips to skin
Bathe me gently, cleansing me
I step into puddles, smile at the rain, free…present
I allow this moment to exist in my breath
In my being
I release, I accept and in doing so I live each moment

I remember laying face down in my parent’s house. Face down on my bedroom carpet sobbing. Something that disturbed my young world had happened. Plans to stay at a friend’s had been cancelled. I was filled with anger, sadness and sobbed intensely into my pillow. I laugh now but I know that I sobbed “extra” loud, I wanted them to know how upset I was! Wailing loudly, I remember how those sobs rocked my small ribs until I shook. I exhausted myself and then just lay there. A thought came to me…that while this hurt, well it would pass. An interesting thought, and so I searched my mind for evidence. I laid back on the pillow and while I stared at the ceiling I remembered visiting Argentina and how quickly that had come and gone. I remembered buying a desired book and the delicious feeling of holding it, opening it and beginning to travel through the story.

Closing my eyes, images and feelings flooded me. Amusement parks, getting my favorite doll, waiting for my brother to be born…no matter how good or bad something felt. It moved, it arrived, existed, changed and then left a memory. The fact was that life moved through us, that we sometimes chose to stay stuck but the truth was that whether it was good or not so good…this too shall pass.

As adults we twist ourselves up, thinking we have control…trying to keep ourselves “safe.” We can’t. It’s a futile effort but don’t tell us that! We’re unconsciously trying to keep everything stable…everything unchanging, when the only sure thing is change. I say, we are swimming upstream and don’t we all know what happens to the sweet salmon once they get there. The difference is that they were born to do that, for whatever reason...that is their way. It is not ours.

We can only hope to be, give, decide, chose the best we can in each given moment and the rest we have no control. We will give ourselves insomnia, aches, pains, headaches and indigestion, worrying about the future and doing the remorse dance over the past in our heads. We can get so anxious and worried that we fail to exist in this glorious ever-changing moment.

When we aren’t present, we don’t hear the real conversation, we cannot be fully awake to the new connection or even to the opportunity that may be manifesting in the energy of the moment.

I got up from my wet pillow on the floor and while I knew I’d have to wait to visit my friend, I was ok. Plucking a book from my shelf, Oh yes! a new one! I settled down to a most amazing adventure…savoring the moment.


I allow myself to be present in this moment
I release, I accept and in doing so I live each moment