Birth day pangs…the practice of letting go

I release the patterns/beliefs/memories/relationships that no longer serve me

I celebrated my birth day in Astoria, surrounded by family, friends, beloved clients who are now friends…in a restaurant I used to go shake my groove thang a decade ago. This Mediterranean restaurant grew from a self-acclaimed “Manhattan-style” bar to an expansive restaurant & lounge with outdoor garden space. Over the years I watched it expand and change. So had I, from private mystic to metaphysical maven still learning about business and passionate about life.

Making new memories, taking in the now, reminded gently of the old. Standing in time I felt like an amalgamation of all that has been, is and will be and I liked it. I’ve earned my humble wisdom, my strength and my earth school scars and stars.

Surrounded by lots of love, great food and spirit-supporting gifts…aromatic candles, totem animal earrings, necklaces and yes…owl salt & pepper shakers, I felt afloat and buoyant. That was four days before my birthday.

The night before I was awash in a shower of texts, FB hollers and loving phone calls. Ahhhh…more buoyancy. Floating on the power of gratitude, joyful and happy for new growth, new relationships and the love of the tried and true-I was a glowing, enraptured, happy chick.

Waking up on my birthday, I felt as I had been hit by bricks. As if I had carefully built a house that crumbled on me without mercy, as I slept. I felt emotional and more than slightly haunted. More than anything, I wanted to jump up from my bed and welcome this New Year!

I was leaving behind the Spiritually intensive 7 year of introspection, spiritual focus, metaphysical learning and solitude. This groggy Birth day morning, I learned that the old year was a bitch and she was hanging on by her Lee press-on nails!

I went to breakfast and did some errands but echoes of love lost and fears of the new arose. My dear friend, who our tribe calls The Little One said,” You’ve been through a lot in the last years and you’ve been thriving. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient. Allow yourself time.”

Wise Little One made my eyes well up. She was right. On this day, I couldn’t seem to cross over into joy, no matter how I tried to re-frame the stories or feelings. Realizing that the ghosts had come home to roost I sat down and decided to deal. “The only way out, is in,” my guides say. So I went in with the intention of taking no prisoners…

Prayer on my lips, my favorite ocean sounds in the air, lots of sage and a meditation space. I allowed myself to feel what was in my heart and what I was carrying in my mind. The mind is the greatest ally OR your greatest enemy.

I called each part of me home to centeredness: my mind, my spirit, my passion, my feelings and my body. Each came bearing a gift, and each had come with some earthly price. Making choices and decisions that are aligned with your values are not always easy. Sometimes you walk away with your integrity & your honesty but still feel the pangs of “what if?” Thankfully, I go to the edge and my questions are usually answered…sooner or later.

I viewed my memories, my thoughts, my stories. I allowed them to play out, I allowed my tears to rise and fall from my lashes. I allowed myself the space to feel all I wanted to hide, ignore and place in some spiritual urn somewhere.

Speaking to each memory, whispering forgiveness, listening for signs, connecting the dots, seeing clearly and then allowing it to disappear into the ether. I gave myself this time to let go.

This process does not happen overnight. We may cut our physical ties, even our metaphysical chords and yet the mind & heart play on with the old songs and tapes. Today as I coaxed my New year into being I allowed myself to cry for the unspoken, the unknown and for the unforgettable truths I had learned.

And finally, I felt freer. I slipped into my candlelit bath and spoke my intentions aloud. This personal 8 year was asking me to step up, go the next level, rise to my vision and manifest my most passionate of intentions. This most awaited 8 year of action, power and intention was beckoning me into a greater freedom.

Being gentle with myself:
I allow for positive, prosperous, creative, soul-affirming beliefs, experiences, relationships and opportunities to support me in my most amazing life path

Stepping out of my cleansing bath, I dressed quickly. Placing my totem earrings & necklace on I welcomed this powerful New year of action & manifestation! With umbrella overhead I ran to a nearby restaurant to meet my four gal pals. My BFF had already ordered happy hour cosmos for all. And you know,a cosmo is a terrible thing to waste...

Amen, So it is & so shall it be, Ashe! A-ho!