Present in this moment

I allow myself to be present in this moment
I do not clutch this gem, this treasure close to me
For as much as I would try by grasping mind, body and spirit
It is a futile act, one that promises sorrow
Knowing it is like trying to hold running waters in my hand
I release, I accept and in doing so I live each moment.

I allow the waters to quench my thirst
slip from my lips to skin
Bathe me gently, cleansing me
I step into puddles, smile at the rain, free…present
I allow this moment to exist in my breath
In my being
I release, I accept and in doing so I live each moment

I remember laying face down in my parent’s house. Face down on my bedroom carpet sobbing. Something that disturbed my young world had happened. Plans to stay at a friend’s had been cancelled. I was filled with anger, sadness and sobbed intensely into my pillow. I laugh now but I know that I sobbed “extra” loud, I wanted them to know how upset I was! Wailing loudly, I remember how those sobs rocked my small ribs until I shook. I exhausted myself and then just lay there. A thought came to me…that while this hurt, well it would pass. An interesting thought, and so I searched my mind for evidence. I laid back on the pillow and while I stared at the ceiling I remembered visiting Argentina and how quickly that had come and gone. I remembered buying a desired book and the delicious feeling of holding it, opening it and beginning to travel through the story.

Closing my eyes, images and feelings flooded me. Amusement parks, getting my favorite doll, waiting for my brother to be born…no matter how good or bad something felt. It moved, it arrived, existed, changed and then left a memory. The fact was that life moved through us, that we sometimes chose to stay stuck but the truth was that whether it was good or not so good…this too shall pass.

As adults we twist ourselves up, thinking we have control…trying to keep ourselves “safe.” We can’t. It’s a futile effort but don’t tell us that! We’re unconsciously trying to keep everything stable…everything unchanging, when the only sure thing is change. I say, we are swimming upstream and don’t we all know what happens to the sweet salmon once they get there. The difference is that they were born to do that, for whatever reason...that is their way. It is not ours.

We can only hope to be, give, decide, chose the best we can in each given moment and the rest we have no control. We will give ourselves insomnia, aches, pains, headaches and indigestion, worrying about the future and doing the remorse dance over the past in our heads. We can get so anxious and worried that we fail to exist in this glorious ever-changing moment.

When we aren’t present, we don’t hear the real conversation, we cannot be fully awake to the new connection or even to the opportunity that may be manifesting in the energy of the moment.

I got up from my wet pillow on the floor and while I knew I’d have to wait to visit my friend, I was ok. Plucking a book from my shelf, Oh yes! a new one! I settled down to a most amazing adventure…savoring the moment.


I allow myself to be present in this moment
I release, I accept and in doing so I live each moment